Military Jokes Page 9 of 9
Check out these funny jokes about the men and women of our military, who truly deserve our admiration and respect for their dedication.
The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
During training exercises, the Lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?"
"Terrible," he said gruffly, "all those people around and nobody in charge!"
The drill sergeant was giving all the new recruits the information on eating in the mess tent: "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 40 privates responded in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
As the airmen stood in formation at the Naval Air Station, the Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one man remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then just raised a single eyebrow. the man said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
Just as a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."
The day before their first parachute jump, the instructors demonstrated all the possible malfunctions one might encounter. After watching a total malfunction, i.e. the parachute fails to open, one of the students asked:
"Sergeant, if we have a complete malfunction, how much time do we have to open our reserve parachute?"
"Son, you have the REST of your life to open that reserve!"
Having passed the enlistment physical, John was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks, and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action.
"The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters."
"No, honey,," he explained patiently. "Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly!"
