Military Jokes Page 6 of 9
Check out our incredible collection of funny jokes all about our armed forces personnel, the men and women who protect our way of life.
General Sherman had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt.
He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern.
The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?"
The sergeant looked down at the general and replied, "I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him, the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make. He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs, "snickered one, "You didn't really do that, did you?"
"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac Escalade somewhere outside of Las Vegas Nevada. Suddenly his car breaks down.
He examines it, and finds that a mechanic has to be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit cards. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and sends a smoke signal to his tribe, "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!"
The tribe receives the signal, but to make sure of it's meaning, signals back.
"OK, chief, but why so much ?"
At this moment a ground test of a nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky.
The tribe signals, "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, don't get so mad?"
One of the duties as a novice drill instructor was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
A soldier serving in Korea was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you, please keep your photo and return the others."
During an Army war game a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
The Annapolis grad walked into the bar, sat down and said, "Hey barkeep, you hear the joke about the four West Point players in a farmhouse?"
Chairs scraped behind him, and four of the biggest, meanest guys in the bar stood up.
"We played for Army. You sure you want to tell that joke?"
The Navy grad smirked in disbelief and said, "What, and have to explain it four times?"
