Military Jokes Page 3 of 9
Funny military jokes, they're all about our heroic military men and women who dedicate themselves to protecting us.
A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day.
After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that said she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she was marrying.
The family wrote back and told him. It was the mailman.
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 P.M. he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.
"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.
"Now," says the General, "I just need one copy..."
At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked, "What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that object on this map?"
"That object, naturally."
"What makes you think that?"
"Cause we can see the moon any clear night, and we can't see that object even at day time."
A soldier, who was habitually drunk, publicly announced to all the men in his company and surrounding companies that he was swearing off drinking and that all the other soldiers should give up this foul habit also.
The other soldiers would tease him to fall off the wagon by giving him whiskey and get him drunk. Every morning he would be back preaching about the sins of alcohol.
One day his friend told him he ought to give up preaching about the evils of the jug as he always ends up drunk.
With a twinkle in his blood shot eyes he said, "what, and give up all that free whiskey?"
A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that for once and for all he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock me off this platform!" Again after a few more minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!"
His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Navy Seal, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor. The Navy Seal hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform. The Professor was out cold.
The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble in confusion. The Navy Seal nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell silent, waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the Navy Seal in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked, "What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
"Well, God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an idiot. So He sent me."
During the constitutional convention in 1787 when it was proposed that the National Army be limited to 3,000 men, George Washington whispered from his presiding chair, "Then we should have another article providing that no foreign nation with an army exceeding 3,000 men be allowed to invade."
There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions
"What happened on June 6, 1944?"
"We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!"
"What was the turning point of world war 2?"
"Battle of the bulge, sir!"
"What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I don't know, sir!"
The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday"
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
