Old Age Jokes Page 5 of 6
Some awesome jokes about our senior citizens and what goes on in our the later years.
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!"
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he visited every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am." said the man.
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."
"No, no, no, get the brown one," the man's wife said.
"Here's your chicken," said the farmer.
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man then asked the wife why she hadn't begun to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."
An old woman was walking along the street when she heard a voice telling her, "You will live to be over 100." She looked around, but no one else seemed to have heard the voice. Then she heard it again, "You will live to be over 100." Again she looked around, and again, no one else seemed to have heard anything. Convinced it was The Lord telling her this, she made an appointment with a plastic surgeon, and signed up for a face lift, a tummy tuck, liposuction, and a nose job, all to be done simultaneously. Figuring since The Lord told her she would live to be 100, she'd better do something to make herself look better.
After healing from all the operations and looking great she decided to go shopping. While crossing the street, she was hit by a bus and killed instantly.
When she got to heaven, she asked the Lord, "Why did I die? You told me I was going to live to be more than 100?"
God looked at her...and replied, "Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't recognize you."
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.
"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.
After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!
