Old Age Jokes Page 2 of 6
Old age jokes, here are some very funny jokes about senior citizens for you to laugh at.
An elderly man calls his son and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up the phone.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."
She calls immediately, and screams at the old man. "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own fares.
An elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you & I will heal you."
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting in that park every sunny day, for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't"
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?"
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said, "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."
The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news."
The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?"
"You have Alzheimer's disease."
"Good heavens! What's the good news?"
"You'll go home and forget about it!"
Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful, and 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful look and charm, who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age."
His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No. I told her I was 90."
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman, "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?," the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
These 3 old, semi-deaf friends were strolling together in the park when they started talking.
1st man: Wow, isn't this a windy day?
2nd man: Nope. I think it's a Thursday.
3rd man: Yeah, I'm thirsty too. Let's go for a beer.
