Computer Jokes Page 1 of 3
Most people have probably had a few computer situations to contend with; here's a few jokes that you might find funny.
Mr. Johnston, a businessman from Colorado, recently went on a business trip to Arizona. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jo Ann, to let her know that he had arrived safely.
Unfortunately, he mistyped a few letters and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.
When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Have you heard about the Congressional Virus?
It runs every program on your hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow you to accomplish anything.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter window. The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.
The people in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the window of their building. Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer!"
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."
Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
I want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns 324,909,188 "matches" to my keyword.
That's like saying, "Good news, we've located the product you want. It's on Earth."
A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six - year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
