Redneck Jokes Page 5 of 6
Our funny collection of redneck jokes are just a tribute to the folks that sometimes come up with clever ideas.
There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, the buckeye was catching nothing; so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Hey buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!''
''Alright, tell you what, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled back.
The buckeye replied, ''Ain't no way, buddy. I ain't no fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''
Invited to a wedding reception by a relative, a redneck and his son travel to the big city for the first time. After eating a lot of salty food, the father is thirsty and keeps sending his son for water.
After making two successful trips, on the third trip the kid comes back empty-handed.
The father asks, "So where's my water, boy?"
"Couldn't get any this trip, Pa. Some guy's sitting on the well."
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again.
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."
Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"Wait, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?
Two Georgia football players are taking a college exam. If they fail they will not be allowed to play in next week's big game.
The exam is fill-in-the-blank. The last question reads, "Old MacDonald had a ______."
Well, Bubba is stumped. He has no idea what the answer might be. He knows he needs to get this one right to be sure he passes. So, Bubba looks around to make sure the professor isn't watching and then taps Jeb on the shoulder. "Psst! Jeb. What's the answer to the last question?"
Jeb laughs. He looks around to make sure they isn't watchin and then Jeb turns to Bubba and says, "Bubba, man you're so stupid. Everybody knows that Old MacDonald had a farm."
"Ohhhh," says Bubba. "I remember." So, Bubba starts filling in the blank, but stops. He again reaches over and taps Jeb's shoulder and whispers, "Hey, how do you spell farm?"
"Man Bubba, you really are brainless. That's EASY! Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
