Work Jokes Page 2 of 3
Have a few laughs with our collection of work jokes, landing a good job and some of the funny things that happen.
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the train station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another restroom nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.
"Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks.
"My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.
"Ok" says his boss, "I just need one copy."
An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk, totally stressed out.
He gives the employee some advice, "When I was feeling stressed out, I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic, and it really helped; you should try it too!"
Two weeks later, when the manager arrives at his department, he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up, and the computer is running at full speed.
The manger says, "I see you followed my advice".
"I did", answers the employee. "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!"
My boss didn't come into work today.
He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem.
When I asked what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."
Boss: "I've decided to use humor in the office. Experts say humor helps to ease tension, which is important in the times when the work force is being reduced."
"Knock knock."
Employee: "Who's there?"
Boss: "Not you anymore."
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they got me mad and also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the butt that I may have to kiss tomorrow."
