Military Jokes Page 7 of 9
Check out our incredible collection of funny jokes all about our armed forces personnel, the men and women who protect our way of life.
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted, "Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is Shut up!"
The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room, "Good Night, Sergeant"
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
There was a Soldier, and a Sailor at the same bar drinking. The soldier goes into the restroom to pee. Just before he walks out the sailor walks in.
The sailor notices that the soldier didn't wash his hands. The sailor then asks the soldier, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands in the Army?"
The soldier replies, "No, they taught me not to pee on my hands."
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
SUBMARINES ARE SAFER THAN AIRCRAFT .....
THE PROOF OF THIS FACT IS THAT THERE ARE MORE AIRCRAFT IN THE WATER THAN SUBMARINES IN THE SKY.
Just before their first long deployment, two Navy buddies were talking about the stress of leaving their families.
A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard their conversation and offered the following advice:
"You must be sensitive to your wives' emotional needs, he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack!"
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
