Computer Jokes Page 2 of 3
Have a few laughs as you continue your journey through our collection of funny computer jokes, hopefully they'll bring a smile.
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then." said God, "Let us see it Jesus fared any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.
Satan was astonished and stuttered, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled and replied, "Jesus saves."
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
A computer was something on TV. From a science-fiction show of note. Window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was a job for the nights. Now they all mean different things, and that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, a program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity, a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 - inch floppy, you hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public, you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife, paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper, and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they'll wish they were dead.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time any version of Windows crashed...Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
Why did the computer cross the road?
To get a byte to eat.
Friday, we had a tornado drill. Our department is situated underneath a parking garage (funny how corporations just love putting the nerds in a basement), and there's a PA announcement repeating itself, "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows."
Somebody yelled out: "Quick! Get to a DOS prompt."
There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib.
This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its websight.
How come when my computer catches a virus, I'm the one who misses work?
